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Joke of the Day

"The worst is when someone ceases but they don't desist. That's some bullshit right there. Gotta do those simultaneously and whatnot."

"I usually piss in my shower combo to save on water But I should really stop taking baths they are so wasteful."

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was *two tired*."

"What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary? Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator)."

"Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

"Three politicians go to heaven. No, seriously, it could happen."

"When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway."

"Did you know George Washington is not on the 1$ bill? It's just a picture of him."

"My Grandfather developed Cancer when he was younger Some say he's the most evil scientist to ever have lived."

"I'd like to live in Abu Dhabi. There's nothing like the bright lights, ritzy real estate, and an occasional public beheading."