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Joke of the Day

"I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone... One minute, a Kia. Next minute, Nokia."

"Hey babe i wanted to marry you but i had to ask your dad first and he said yes so i guess i'm marrying your dad"

"Getting older is like being in a prison shower You try to bend over as little as possible."

"What does person with Alzheimer's call What Are You Wearing Today? What Am I Wearing Today"

"I walked into a bar and some chick tried to pick me up I said ""Put me down, you are going to hurt yourself."""

"If I watch a meteor shower Does it feel violated? (x-post shittyaskscience)"

"What do women and saxophones have in common? They both blow and make different noises when you finger them."

"Pro Tip: If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!"

"Whats the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian? Ones a snack cracker and ones a crack snacker!"

"How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? If her ankles swell when she farts."