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Joke of the Day

"I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace."

"The inventor of the Red Solo Cup had died. His body was found under the sofa in the living room three days after his death."

"Yoda: A Jedi, you will not be. Train Chewbacca, I will. Luke: But why? Yoda: Better piggyback rides, he gives."

"What's the difference between like, love and lust? Spit Swallow Gargle"

"Why do so many people like Harry Potter? It's a charming story."

"Unexpected sex... ....is a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison."

"Marriage is a three ring circus: - Engagement ring wedding ring suffering."

"My dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow him around the yard because it's his turn"

"What did the cannibal get when he showed up late to the party? A cold shoulder"

"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."