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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between like, love and lust? Spit Swallow Gargle"

"The best stories ever told always end with the words""...and then I got the hell out of there."""

"The Average human walks 900miles per year, and drinks 22 gallons of beer, which means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon... Not bad!"

"Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies !"

"Relationship Status: Got put in the friend zone by a succubus playing around on a Ouija board. I can't even get lucky in the spirit world."

"[tense situation in the war room] ""Ok now type in the nuke codes EXACTLY as I say them or it'll blow.1-4-7-teen"" CRAP [huge explosion]"

"Don't like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I'd consider it."

"Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he's wrong and you are positive their names are ""Batman and Robert""."

"What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure? A hearti*choke*. ... :D"

"[last supper] Jesus (to Judas): so your facebook status said you were anxious? Anything u wanted to say Judas (sweating): no not really"