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Joke of the Day

"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."

"How do you tell a friend their breath stinks without being rude? ""I'm bored, let's brush our teeth!"""

"I'm a leader, not a follower... Unless it's into a dark place, then screw that, you're going first."

"I'd like to thank the floor, for always catching me when I'm falling down."

"I got robbed last night The burglar replaced everything with an exact replica"

"RaidTM: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something."

"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving You need a parachute to go skydiving twice."

"How do you make a hormone? Kick her in the shin."

"Watching people try to find a lost car in a parking lot is oddly soothing"

"What do you call a German with a bad attitude? Sauerkraut."