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Joke of the Day

"What did the cannibal get when he showed up late to the party? A cold shoulder"

"Do you know how our planet got it's name? Cause if you do, please tellus"

"How can you tell when a wine connoisseur is happy? They have a semillon!"

"Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale"

"where do y'all wanna go tonight? Bars? The club? ""THE BOG OF DESPAIR"" Gary, after the forest of skulls debacle you don't get to pick anymore"

"Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too."

"Why are men are like public toilets? The good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit."

"VAN GOGH: Go on, open it. You'll like it. Much better than last year. GIRL: It isn't another ear is it, Vince? VAN GOGH: what"

"Why is an Alabama divorce like a tornado? One way or the other someone is losing a trailer."

"I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here."