180404

Joke of the Day

"My hobbies include reading books, eating snacks, and sending emails referencing attachments without the attachments."

"In the time it took me to RT in Favstar I could have written the tweet in calligraphy and hand delivered it to all 7600 of my followers."

"Why did the baby squirrel wear a diaper? To hide his nuts!!"

"Want to talk about rape? No? That's the spirit."

"I couldn't use my phone at the funeral It was a dead zone"

"""YOU AIN'T SHIT WITHOUT ME! YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE NOTHING!"" - syrup to pancakes."

"To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, ""Guess how many fingers."""

"Women are like snowflakes: they can't drive"

"My roommates get angry when I steal their kitchen utensils But frankly, thats a whisk I'm willing to take."

"I like my girls like I like my coffee. In a bag in my freezer"