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Joke of the Day

"How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware issue."

"Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA"

"Apparently it's inappropriate to ask where her shoes are from when you're in the next stall."

"So I was playing poker with a few lepers... when someone threw in a hand."

"How can you tell if a girl is too young for you? You need to make the airplane sound to put your cock in her mouth. (From one of my favorite stand-ups, Jimmy Carr!)"

"Still disappointed that the only hard thing in my bed lately has been my mattress."

"Me: Give me some space, I'm feeling claustrophobic 8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can't"

"She told me she liked it doggy style so I gave her a treat & took her for a walk."

"HER: do u have a condom ME: u bet [whistles] [an eagle flies thru the window & drops off a cat] H: holy shit M: ya sometimes he brings cats"

"I tied a string around my finger to remind me about World Leprosy Week, but it fell off."