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Joke of the Day
"The average monkey swallows 7 spider-monkeys every single night."
Next Joke
"You're more useless than a..."
"Why did Ronald McDonald divorce his wife? He found out she's now selling her McMuffin all day"
"Did you that even when The Thing is not scared... He still shits bricks"
"Growing a beard is the closest I've come to caring for an animal."
"Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN"
"When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."
"I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days."
"On a scale of Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... ...how much do you like kids?"
"Sorry I thought your older sister was your daughter and then made everyone else at the restaurant guess your age."