196685

Joke of the Day

"Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN"

"You could be a ""Before"" model."

"Was decorating the front yard last night and one of the neighborhood kids tried to deflate me."

"[courtroom] Me: ""I OBJECT YOUR HONOR"" Judge: on what grounds? ""LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO"" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed."

"The inventor of predictive text has died... His funfair will be hello on Sundial."

"Suitable for British consumption I just heard the UK strawberry picking championships has been won by a woman with no legs. Jammy cunt"

"Gloryholes are like restaurants. The best ones are just holes in the walls."

"Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders."

"I completely understand parents who choose not to vaccinate their children... ...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out retarded."

"Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer It's too bad Chuck Norris never cries"