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Joke of the Day

"I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days."

"What does the man say when he walks into the bar? ""Can I please get a drink?"""

"USA: ""Hey nachos, today's your big day!"" Nachos: ""What about Cinco de Mayo?"" USA: ""What'd you just say?"" Nachos: ""Nothing."""

"When I don't approve of another shopper's groceries in the checkout line, I just use one of those separator bars to sweep them to the floor"

"Do you know why android fanboys don't like apple products?"

"Boy: Hey girl, you are ABCDEFGHIJK Girl: What?! Boy: Amazing, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, foxy, gorgeous, hot Girl: Awww, what about the IJK?? Boy: IM JUST KIDDING!!!!"

"Why did the chef take a job at a soup kitchen? Because they had great stock options."

"A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, ""Can I use your Dictaphone?"" He says, ""No, dial with your finger like everyone else."""

"Wild horses could easily drag me away from anything, even from my favorite activity. Wild horses are super crazy strong."

"What do you call an all female traveling band Mobile broadband"