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Joke of the Day

"If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy."

"Why are gametes used in big marketing campaigns? Because sex cells"

"Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want."

"Pilots will get this. RETARD! RETARD!"

"It's not working. I've napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea."

"I JUST CONSUMED SO MUCH SUGAR THAT I FEEL ALL SHOUTY IN MY HEAD AND CAPS LOCKY AND HOLY CRAP HOW DO PEOPLE DO ACTUAL DRUGS"

"""Give it here!"" ""No, it's mine!"" ""it's my turn!"" ""you had it last!"" ""come on gimme it!"" ""no way!"" ""but it's my go!"" Siamese twins having a wank."

"When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet ? When your bald !"

"Sometimes I stand in front of a Redbox until a long line gathers behind me.. Then I'll yell. Where's the fucking Pepsi button on this thing?"

"What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job? The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'"