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Joke of the Day

"""Give it here!"" ""No, it's mine!"" ""it's my turn!"" ""you had it last!"" ""come on gimme it!"" ""no way!"" ""but it's my go!"" Siamese twins having a wank."

"what's it called when you're secretly a norse god? you're low key loki"

"Reddit CEO Ellen Pao is such a .. [Deleted]"

"What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman? Mic Jagger says ""Hey you, get off of my cloud"". A Scotsman says ""Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"""

"When I'm bored late at night, I text random numbers saying: ""You should really clean under your bed, it's filthy down here. PS: I love you."""

"Give a fish a worm, he lives another day Teach a fish to worm, he becomes the best breakdancing fish around"

"I was talking to this guy at the gym about push-ups. ""How many reps would you usually do?"" he asked. ""A million,"" I rep lied."

"How is your mom just like a laundromat? For a dollar in quarters she will take my load."

"Cashier: ""Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween"" Me: ""It's Halloween?"""

"I am realistically only 1 crossbow away from accidentally killing someone with a crossbow."