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Joke of the Day

"Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want."

"What did the fish thief say to the cops when he turned himself in? I gillt was killing me."

"For every 1 hour I spend with friends, I need 30 days to recover by myself."

"How did Helen Keller discover masturbation? She tried to read her own lips."

"I'm not racist! I'll have you know my childhood best friend was black, but I haven't seen him since my dad sold him."

"Everyone in horror movies: *loud scream* It was probably just the wind *a ghost flies across room* Just the wind *dog gets cut in half* Wind"

"Mr. Webb, what is the greatest threat to national security? ""The dinosaurs in Jurassic World, they always seem to get out"""

"It'd be nice if the pre-requisite to being a politician in the United States of America didn't involve being a lying sack of shit."

"If you ever feel unimportant... Just remember Windows 9"

"Read It and Weep: A Book on How to Cry"