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Joke of the Day

"I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the ""Congratulations you have won an iPhone"" voice ever scare the shit out of me again."

"What do we do when chemists die? We barium."

"Oklahoma State's student union got shut down today because of a gun threat It turns out it was just a calculator. Don't people know that a calculator is for math deduction not mass destruction?"

"What's funny about majorities? Most things."

"How does an elephant get down from a tree ? He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !"

"When I was a child, my father would always tell me, ""The sky's the limit!"" He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut."

"Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh.."

"Britain's got pretty racist since the referendum; I was behind a Latvian couple in Tesco yesterday and the lady behind the checkout asked if they wanted any help packing..."

"Why do cemeteries have fences? People are just dying to get in."

"Why are there fences around a graveyard? People are dying to get in."