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Joke of the Day

"inspired by the recent election, i'm going to run for president the first step will be to change my name to ""none of the above""."

"Why did Jared vote for gore in the 2000 election? Jared doesn't care for bush"

"""I'M SO FUCKING WET!"" She screamed... ""GIVE IT TO ME!"" Alas, she can scream all she wants, but I'm not giving her the umbrella."

"If by ""junk in the trunk"" you mean the untouched gym bag I store there, then yes, I most certainly have junk in my trunk."

"Why wasn't Caitlyn Jenner charged with vehicular manslaughter? It wasn't her fault. Her tranny slipped."

"Beware of TV. It has the power to turn things like storage, parking and cupcakes into wars."

"Two sex workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room. Sex worker: ""On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"" Trump: ""Urinate"""

"I told the bartender I'll have a Lou Gehrig's Disease. It's a tall glass of tequila. You drink half of it, stand up to make a speech, drink the second half of it, and you're dead."

"How many Creationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? God."

"Don't worry, people who are sick of political tweets, every horror movies needs a few ""Nah, it's nothing"" types to raise the body count."