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Joke of the Day

"Why do sumo-wrestlers shave their legs? So they don't get mistaken for feminists."

"I told my dog 6,000 times, she could go out but I wasn't going to sit outside with her... Long story short, I'm sitting outside with her."

"How's Bud Light like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking pretty close to water."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side."

"In a misguided attempt to become a superhero I let a spider bite me. My super power became crying louder than a newborn."

"What Austrian girls and wine have in common? Both mature in a cellar."

"Who's the idiot that called it ""The Wizard of Oz"" and not ""The Flair Witch Project""?"

"People say ""life's a journey, not a destination,"" because the destination is death. The journey sucks too. Anyway, to the bride and groom!"

"Think Casey Anthony will go into porn now, . . . Since she gets off so easy?"

"Tips for Guys on Valentine's Day: Tell your girl you already got somethingn and make her guess. She'll automatically list things she want."