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Joke of the Day

"Tips for Guys on Valentine's Day: Tell your girl you already got somethingn and make her guess. She'll automatically list things she want."

"[Showing a friend around the house] Me: And THIS is where my 5 yr old eats his popcorn. *motions to area covered in popcorn."

"What did Ozzy Osbourne do after eating a whole Bull? He threw up the horns."

"If Lance Armstrong can't keep his awards he should just take his ball and go home."

"what travels around the world but stays in one corner? postage stamp"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Arnie ! Arnie who ! Arnie having fun ?"

"If you're a ""Blocked caller"" you're gonna be a ""missed call."""

"For the longest time I hated tumors.... but they are beginning to grow on me."

"A guy goes to a five dollar lady of the night.. and he gets crabs. So, the next day he goes back to complain. And the woman says ""Hey. It was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?"""

"Thanks, but it's spelled ""sexiest"", not ""sexist"". Stupid woman."