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Joke of the Day

"What Austrian girls and wine have in common? Both mature in a cellar."

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"How did the king die? He had a bad heir day"
"I just took a huge shot It was quite a vowel movement!"
"A tassel walks into a bar... The bartender yells out ""Hey, you have to leave! We don't serve ropes here!"" The tassel grins and says ""Nope, I'm a Frayed knot!"""
"What's it called when you look in the mirror and say ""jesus christ I look good""? Using the lords name in vanity"
"What's the similarity between Chris Brown being released and Pokemon Go being released? An increase in battery cases."
"I was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl... ...i thought she was a couple of years older than that, I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father."
"'Say it with flowers' Send a wreath"
"Why don't the polar bears ever drink Diet Coke in Coca-Cola commercials? Because bears don't drink aspartame, dumbshit."
"My friend Dave told me this joke about Hillary Clinton yesterday... I was just wondering if anyone here has heard from him?"