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Joke of the Day
"How's Bud Light like having sex in a canoe? They're both fucking pretty close to water."
Next Joke
"Why did the Priest cross the road? Because he crosses everything."
"What do dissecting a frog and explaining a joke on Reddit have in common? Both are shitty novelties."
"*stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*"
"I lost 140 unwanted, useless, life-sucking pounds - in only 6 weeks! I got a divorce."
"The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?"
"I just heard the most beautiful song. It was something about sluts in the club."
"She was only a fishmonger's daughter .. .. but she'd slap it on a slab and shout ""Fillet!"""
"Welcome to drugs club, Todd. I can't believe someone actually answered the ad. You're under arrest."
"Secondary market that lets people sell their excess Twitter characters."