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Joke of the Day

"Stop saying ""11/11/11"" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works."

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"Crime on multi-story car parks, it's wrong on so many levels."
"I got one for you guys... Donald Trump"
"[Batman's parents return after 40 years] Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?"
"People say I'm a mean person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a sweet girl In a jar on my desk."
"I thought Jayz and kanyes current song.... ...was about Ms Hilton's sequel to one night in Paris."
"Roses are Red, Violets are blue... ...I've got Alzheimers, cheese on toast"
"Scars are tattoos with better stories."
"Oscar Pistorius was keen to get a new bathroom door.... but his girlfriend was dead against it. Source: Scorch-O-Rama cafe, Wellington, New Zealand"
"[prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder"
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