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Joke of the Day

"[prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder"

"Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody's getting."

"What happened when the mathematician put seaweed on her boobs? Algae-bra!"

"Can't afford a cat? Duct tape 3 squirrels together, next question"

"Two tectonic plates are having a heated argument... They seem to have diverging opinions."

"I asked a pregnant woman what cup size she was. She said 500ml."

"Two chicken are gossiping... And one of them says to the other: ""You know Brad?"" ""Yeah."" ""He's a total dick."""

"Police Chief: Why did you ticket the computer? Officer: It was speeding along the information highway."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them."

"The government is so screwed up and dysfunctional, I'm amazed I haven't tried to date it yet"