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Joke of the Day

"A zombie apocalypse would be so much funnier if we started burying people in those fuzzy duck slippers that quack when you walk."

"Watch 'Titanic' backwards and it's the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise."

"My girlfriend wants to be in a long distance relationship, according to this restraining order."

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and it's always down the chimney."

"I really wish my boss would fall for the ""but all my friends are allowed to be late to work"" excuse."

"what's the difference between a condom and your mother? A condom wasn't on my dick last night"

"What do women and grammar Nazis have in common? One missed period is enough to freak them out."

"Waiter, there's a spider in my pie. I thought you had an ""award winning chef"" *waiter points to MOST CUSTOMERS KILLED BY PIE SPIDERS trophy*"

"I've got one for you. Game of War. Hardcore? Maybe if you're my mom."

"Did you hear about the award winning scarecrow? He was out standing in his field."