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Joke of the Day

"Waiter, there's a spider in my pie. I thought you had an ""award winning chef"" *waiter points to MOST CUSTOMERS KILLED BY PIE SPIDERS trophy*"

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"Thought for today: Each day is a gift from God ... but not Monday, it was regifted by Satan."
"Your tombstone should be carved in Comic Sans."
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the S'mores of Pop-Tarts, it was the Unfrosted Strawberry of Pop-Tarts."
"Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race? He couldn't get a head."
"you think there'd be a word for 'sleeping bag' that isn't a placeholder description of what it is"
"Want to hear my tribute to Elvis? Thanks, Elvis."
"I like my women like I like my coffee... microwaved for 69 seconds."
"My girlfriend bought me a bowling ball the other day. She thought i wouldn't like it but, It was right up my alley!"
"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it"
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