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Joke of the Day

"Waiter, there's a spider in my pie. I thought you had an ""award winning chef"" *waiter points to MOST CUSTOMERS KILLED BY PIE SPIDERS trophy*"

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"You know what they say about men with big feet... They have massive socks."
"ME: my greatest strength is giving people clever nicknames. QUESTION ASKER MAN: and how is this a skill that will help you here?"
"My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it's the lightning that will kill him."
"A guy walks into his room with a duck under his arm... and says ""This is the pig I've been fucking."" His wife says ""That's not a pig, it's a duck."" He says ""I wasn't talking to you."""
"I went into a book shop and asked for a book about turtles ""Hardback"" said the woman behind the counter ""Yes"" I replied, ""and small heads"""
"A man has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness... Man: ""So Doc, how long have I got to live?"" Doctor: ""Seven..."" Man: ""Seven? Seven what? Years? Months?"" Doctor: ""Six... Five..."""
"Losing my virginity was a lot like learning to ride my bike My dad was behind me the whole way."
"The answer is ""9 W"". What is the question? Does Wagner begin with a ""V""?"
"I had a normal childhood My mom only jerked me off once when I broke my arm, no more than that!"