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Joke of the Day

"what's the difference between a condom and your mother? A condom wasn't on my dick last night"

"What do you do when you come across an elephant? Wipe it off and apologize."

"I'd tell you a joke about statistics But the punchline is probably outside your range."

"Im trying the new Vodka diet... Lose 3 days every week"

"HR: ""You've put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact."" Me: ""Yeah, I'd like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend."""

"What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

"remember when we were younger and we all thought 'bob' was a really common name but how many bobs do u actually know"

"My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart."

"Went to a public park and my 4yo was like, ""Is this Disney World?!"" The answer is yes and I'll cut anyone who tells her differently."

"California is the best state. The nerds make the apps and the agents make the moving pictures. We keep the idiots happy. Give us your water."