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Joke of the Day

"Watch 'Titanic' backwards and it's the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise."

"Advice from gay people. Never take tips from gay people, because you might get shafted. Disclosure: Am not homophobic!"

"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it."

"What rhymes with ""hug me""? Chutney."

"What did Fred from 'Scooby Doo' say when Mystery Inc. finally found a mystery that was too scary for them to solve? 2scooby4doo"

"To anyone who says white people can't jump... You obviously haven't seen footage of 9/11."

"United States: There's 5280 feet in one mile. Rest of the World: What even is that? United States: Lol, we made it up."

"I've spent about 6 years of my life waiting for roommates to leave so I don't have to say hi to them when I come out of my bedroom"

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