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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Mexico have its own Olympic team? Because all those who can run, jump, or swim are already in the US."

"What do you call an alligator detective wearing a waistcoat? An investigator."

"[buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it."

"If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet."

"You see a rat stealing pizza, I see a rat providing for his four turtle children"

"If you walk into Whole Foods with a McD's cheeseburger, you'll be dragged to the meat locker & gang banged with a free range chicken wing."

"Hey, guy who contacts Batman with a spot light in the sky, pretty sure you can just text him now, it is 2012."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion He was outstanding in his field"

"Arrested for not picking up after his seeing eye dog, the blind man pleaded, ""I didn't see shit!"""

"Historical fact: The term ""bro"" originated over a hundred million years ago and was short for brontosaurus."