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Joke of the Day

"Arrested for not picking up after his seeing eye dog, the blind man pleaded, ""I didn't see shit!"""

"First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: You're lucky, mine's still alive."

"What is a pirate's favorite material? Arrr-gyle."

"The Fine Bros. Get it?"

"I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off."

"Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him."

"When you tell someone that you're asexual... You then have two people who do not give a fuck."

"If this whole twitter thing doesn't work out, we can all get jobs writing for a company that makes mildly disturbing fortune cookies."

"I failed my spelling test I got an F for f-ort."

"Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: Come."