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Joke of the Day

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion He was outstanding in his field"

"What's the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people!"

"If people don't wish to discuss the cruel existential futility of all human endeavour they shouldn't say.. ...Good Morning in the first place."

"*places empty liquor bottle on shelf for display* I'm An Animal Now Everyone. I Decorate With Trash. Literally An Animal"

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month. Wait, that came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."

"Remember to crowd around the baggage carousel like it's armageddon and the bags are the last remaining food items on earth, you animals."

"duh. Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red? A: So they can hide in cherry trees. Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree before? A: No? See, it works!"

"Did you hear about the shop that only employed dwarves? It had to close because it was short staffed."

"What's the difference between a chef and a gay guy? A chef doesn't stir yesterday's food."

"My teacher told me to turn in my essay, But I ain't no snitch"