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Joke of the Day

"I heard your mom won a gold medal! I didn't even know they had sumo wrestling at the Olympics!"

"Doctor Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish!"

"I fill my pockets with glitter so when people ask me for money, I can turn them out to show that I'm broke, but still a little fancy."

"Two guys meet at a bar. ""My wife ran off with my best friend Peter..."" ""Oh no, when did this happen?"" ""Yesterday."" ""And since when is Peter your best friend?"" ""Yesterday!"""

"Autocorrect makes me say things that... I didn't Nintendo."

"Yarrrr! What's a pirrrate's favorite letterrr? ""R?"" NOOO!!! It's the Sea!!!"

"If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism. If you steal from many people, it is called research."

"They say men think about sex every seven seconds. That's complete BS. We never stop thinking about sex."

"Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?"

"Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS He will now go by: Ernie Anders."