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Joke of the Day

"My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!"

"What do you call two crows flying together? An attempted murder."

"How Long is a Chinese name. No, really, it is!"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples Sounds funny, dozen tit?"

"Cop: So, I'm writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk."

"orange in the 60s, mus in the 70s, poon in the 80s, wu in the 90s. - the history of tang"

"[astronaut test] Before you begin, questions? [hand raised] ""Is it true the moon is cheese?"" Are you that damn mouse again? [mouse runs out]"

"I hear Donald Trump is going to ban cans of parmesan cheese... ..he's going to make America grate again."

"NSFW Men are like a deck of cards... You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his fucking face in and a spade to bury the bastard!"

"My spirit animal is fried chicken"