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Joke of the Day

"If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism. If you steal from many people, it is called research."

"She said she'd keep an eye out for me I don't know why. I don't even like skullfucking."

"Why do cows have bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work."

"I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too."

"Two cannibals are eating a math teacher. Another approaches, and asks.. ""Hey, can I have sum?"""

"If you're going to call people who aren't yet born ""the unborn"" then you have to call people who aren't yet dead ""the undead"""

"I called my ex a cow Animal control had to show up"

"Best part about my homeless girlfriend.... she lets me play with her sweet cans"

"My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food."

"What do we want? -SHITTY MUSIC COMPILATIONS! When do we want them? -NOW! THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC"