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Joke of the Day

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it."

"Everyone's all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman's fighting Superman in 2016."

"What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad."

"GENIE: 3 wishes. But no extra wishes & no sex stuff Me: why not? GENIE: I make the rules ME: I wish I made the rules GENIE: ...dammit"

"Why didn't the mother splinter call her son on his birth-day? Because he's a little prick!"

"You know how I deal with migraines? I store them in migranary."

"You know why when you look up and see birds flying in a V pattern, one side seems longer than the other? More birds on that side."

"Therapist: what's your biggest issue with your husband? Wife: he gives me no privacy Me: [tapping on window from outside] that's not true"

"What do you say if you meet a toad ? Wart's new !"

"TIL there are 45000 breatharians in the U.S. 44999, # 44998..."