178459

Joke of the Day

"Suzy Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set? She has no arms... Knock knock? Who's there? Not Suzy"

"Is life fair? Short answer: No. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooo."

"What's the best part about dating a black girl? You don't have to meet her father."

"Don't forget to smile today, but not that creepy smile that makes us all wonder how many bodies are buried in your yard."

"""Was this car tested on animals?"" ""sir animals can't drive"" ""will this car enable animals to drive?"" ""No"" ""SO YOU DID TEST IT!"" ""god damnit"""

"me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched ""The Wedding Planner"""

"Don't think you're immune. We're all just a whim away from singing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight."" Yes, a whim away...a whim away...a whim away."

"I want a job cleaning mirrors It's something I could really see myself doing."

"Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza."

"I remember Pandora back when it was called your dad trying to find a song he liked on a road trip."