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Joke of the Day

"me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched ""The Wedding Planner"""

"In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I've put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow."

"Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence? Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy. Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids. Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is."

"Mike Tyson refuses to play on any Playstation... He is an Ex-Boxer."

"I named my boat ""Marriage""... so that it will never sink, cause marriage is a hardship."

"I wonder if anyone ever looked Jesus in the face and saw a piece of toast."

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates. That table was ruined."

"What do you call a bat in a hurry? A racing club"

"Where do Mexicans shop for books? Borders"