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Joke of the Day
"What killed Phil Hughes? Ebola."
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"How many jews could get in to the cab? It depends on ashtrays capacity. //badenglishsorry"
"What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber...."
"Dipping your cats in blue paint and watching them chase each other is 1000x more entertaining than Avatar."
"Daughter: ""I wish you were a better listener."" Me: ""I wish you were more interesting."" Daughter: ""Don't tweet that."" Me: ""I won't."""
"Still carry my keys one-poking-out-like-a-weapon-style in case I'm attacked by a not very tough rapist with thin skin."
"I challenge someone to say something including the word ""Trump"" or ""Hilary"" without sounding biased in any way. Hang on... Did I just..."
"Why did the Jamaican go to Syria? To get stoned"
"What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I live in Canada. So, free health care."