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Joke of the Day

"Daughter: ""I wish you were a better listener."" Me: ""I wish you were more interesting."" Daughter: ""Don't tweet that."" Me: ""I won't."""

"Daddy, where do oranges come from? Well son, when a red and a yellow really love each other..."

"i need some cat jokes!"

"What is the definition of 'making love'? Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her."

"Why are erectile dysfunction jokes so unfunny? They're not hard to make."

"For the first time I am going to be visiting Britain this summer, but when I got there... Britain had already left."

"Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax? To stop hispanic attacks."

"In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris."

"I'm always a little disappointed when I walk away from my car and it doesn't explode after I press the lock button."

"I'm not ""Mr Right"" but I'll do freaky stuff to you till he shows up."