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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."

"Q: How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: November."

"Alcoholics don't run in my family... ...they mostly stumble around and bump into things."

"Wanna hear me read a receipt from a trip to the grocery store? That's how interested I am in listening to the details of your workout."

"Just changed my Facebook name to No one' So when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say No one likes this'."

"My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle."

"A baker gets home from work. He then says ""Time to go to bread""."

"Whenever I shoot something into the trash, I yell ""Kobe!"" But then, my friend follows up by yelling ""Jack!"" I don't get what he's trying to say, but he sure is acting cheesy."

"I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - ""open bar"""

"Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???"