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Joke of the Day

"So a pun, a play on words, and an anecdote walk into a bar. No joke."

"""Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?"" ""Not this guy!"" -Thumb amputee victim"

"""How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?"" -Cats"

"Would a gay shop owner decline service to straights? No, because gay people aren't fucking assholes"

"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."

"I went to the local swimming pool today... And I asked the receptionist, ""How much for 2 children?"" She replied, ""$9.50."" ""Awesome!"" I said. ""Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip?"""

"Father in-law told me this gem: ""God made a woman..."" But didn't take one."

"[drive-thru at 2am] Whaazzuupp!? Lemme gets 12 tacos, 6 burritos, and a Diet Coke. Booyah! Neighbor's mailbox: ..."

"A man driving a car hits a woman. Who's fault is it? TRICK QUESTION! Cars can't fit in the kitchen!"

"Horses are so negative in meetings.... They are such neigh-sayers."