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Joke of the Day

"My wife started her job on a cruise ship last week. My mate asked, ""How's she getting on?"" I replied, ""I'm not sure, I think they use a crane."""

"""Will he ever wake up?"" He's been in a coma for 3 weeks but watch this. *starts playing Pitbull* *patient wakes up to turn off the music*"

"Baby seal walks into a club... ..."

"Biggest joke on the planet. Real Madrid"

"MY friends are like second-day socks... They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes."

"I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend."

"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu!"

"Nobody was healthier than my vegan, gluten-free friend Chad until the day that baby squirrel beat him to death."

"Me: Okay 2 it's time for bed 2: NO! Mommy go to bed Me: Okay *goes to bed"

"Why is divorce so expensive? BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT!!!"