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Joke of the Day

"I just ended a 5 years long relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship."

"How do you know you're speaking with an engineer? Don't worry they'll tell you."

"I took a really sloppy poo today... My ass was wiped more times than Ian Watkins' search history"

"Why did batman leave church? Because Christian Baled"

"I miss the good ol' days, when no one had a clue what 'gluten' was."

"~tips fedora at mosquito~ Mlaria"

"Today I asked the gamer what his new year's resolution is. He said ""1920 x 1200"""

"Apparently, if she's refused to speak to you for two days your text should not be 'Why are you mad again?'"

"Not to sound like a badass or anything but I completed this puzzle I got in a hour... The box said 2-4 years."

"The only time I seem to be able to count on people is when I nail an abacus to their heads."