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Joke of the Day

"Egypt. Palin. Walmart. Facebook. KE$HA. Bieber. Typos. Snow. Zombies. Superpowers. FFs. Your mom. Boom, I just won Twitter."

"[speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*"

"Two cannibals are eating a clown One turns to the other and says ""Does this taste funny to you?"" I decided to post this classic especially with the clown epidemic going on"

"Why does a woman smile when walking down the aisle? She knows that she no longer has to give blow jobs."

"Q: Did you hear about the book about cowardice? A: It had no spine."

"What type of pants does Mario wear? denim denim denim"

"Sometimes it's fun to pretend that all old people are part of a 'who can take the most steps over the shortest distance' contest"

"Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving..."

"Judge: For the crimes you have committed you will go to prison for 10 years Me: That's a long sentence! Judge: Ok - ""you get 10 years"""

"Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than Hitler? (OFFENSIVE) Because they actually managed to end a race."