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Joke of the Day

"[almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope"

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"""Can I watch you open it?"" -Weird UPS guy"
"[ordering cake over phone] ""and what would you like the cake to say?"" [covers phone to ask wife] ""do we want a talking cake?"""
"Stop complaining about your relationship if you're gonna stay in it, dumb ass b*tches.."
"I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
"Bono is gonna be really pissed off when he finds out he's not Jesus."
"I Read Something In The Newspaper A few days ago, there was an article in the newspaper obituaries titled ""Survivor of Nazi Death Train Dies"" ... I guess he's not a survivor anymore."
"Woman Attacks her Husband This woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars. Judge: ""First Offender?"" Woman: ""No. First a Gibson Les Paul. Second a Fender."""
"Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb."
"What's the difference between a dead hooker and a Ferrari? I didn't lose my virginity to a Ferrari."
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