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Joke of the Day

"Batman went to Penguin's bar and was given the wrong drink... Just ice was served."

"I was so upset when the bathroom was out of toilet paper... I was shitty all day!"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or genitalia? Still no fucking eye deer."

"Two potatoes are standing on the corner. How can you tell which one is the hooker? The one with the sticker that says, ""Idaho""."

"An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile."

"I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I'm here to like' them."

"Want to feel old? Tsar Simeon I of Bulgaria would be 1,150 years old today!"

"A guy walked up to my bar. He said, ""Can I have a stiff drink?"" ""Of course,"" I replied, cracking some Viagra pills into his whiskey."

"What does an eighty year old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty year old woman doesn't? A belly button."

"What did Jesus say when he made his return? ""Hey guys! What's goin on? Tweet my return! #JesusReturns"""