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Joke of the Day

"Broke my good sunglasses... But instead of buying new ones, I'm just gonna put Trump pictures where the lenses used to be. He seems to be far more polarizing than my Costas ever were."

"*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*"

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."

"blacksmith joke A blacksmith asked his apprentice, ""Have you ever shoed a horse?"" He replied: ""No, but i once told a donkey to fuck off"""

"What should you do if your car's engine is running slow? Get it to do some CARdio"

"Jesus went into an inn. He handed the innkeeper 3 nails and asked, ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"I picked up this chick in Rome. We had sex, said goodbye the next morning and gave her a hi five She gave me hi V"

"Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?"

"I made you a cake. I also ate it for you."

"A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!''"