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Joke of the Day

"Weighed myself. Did elliptical for 30 minutes. Weighed myself. Half a pound heavier. Never exercising again."

"People always say to do exercise, I do Breathing... Could I be more WORKING!"

"Have you heard how busy the Samsung customer care lines are? Their phones are blowin' up!"

"What type of computer sings well? Adell."

"I really hope my family doesn't give me a urinal cake again for my birthday this year."

"I heard Missouri is having some great Black Friday sales this year... 100% off everything."

"""no one cares abot ur plan to dig to the center of the earth! the world doesnt revolve around you!"" she said. ""IT WILL IF MY PLAN WORKS THO"""

"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not."

"I had diarrhea till 5am It was shitty"

"How many internet users does it take to change a light-bulb? I dunno. Let's just sign a petition so that hopefully somebody will do it."