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Joke of the Day

"*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*"

"College cheerleaders look like no one has told them about human mortality yet."

"If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, ""Quit while your ahead""?!"

"What can't you hear a pterodactyl go the bathroom? Because the P is silent..."

"How do you cancel your appointment at the spermicides bank? You call and say you can't cum. Edit:typo"

"What did the limestone say to the geologist? Don't take me for granite!"

"One of my friends recommend circumcision It wasn't all it was cut out to be"

"My wife just opened my car door for me. Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph."

"To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing"

"What's a baseball players favorite type cake? A bundt cake."