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Joke of the Day

"My dad is sadly hooked up to a life support machine. My mother says he is the most switched-on man in our town."

"Where are you most likely to drown? *Deepends*"

"My couch has gotten so much ass today."

"I fell off a 50 foot ladder yesterday. Luckily I was on the bottom step."

"Somewhere in this world, a woman is giving birth to a baby every 3 seconds. We have to find this woman and stop her."

"2 scientists walk into a bar... The first one says ""I'll have some H2O"", the second one says ""I'll have some H2O too"". The bartender looks at them and says ""Are you two idiots talking about water?"""

"Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke."

"Knock knock... Who's there? Huey Huey who? I'm me, who are you"

"My therapist said I need to stop listening to Ke$ha on my iPod and start acting my age. So I bought Ke$ha on vinyl. Tik Tok."

"Jack is coming over. ""Jack from work or Jack and the..."" [a beanstalk comes up through the floor and crashes through the ceiling]"