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Joke of the Day

"2 scientists walk into a bar... The first one says ""I'll have some H2O"", the second one says ""I'll have some H2O too"". The bartender looks at them and says ""Are you two idiots talking about water?"""

"It didn't take long for Japan to illustrate Rousey's knockout. See? http://imgur.com/NSLx1SZ EDIT: Link works now."

"It would have been more realistic if that Michael Jackson hologram last night touched a few little little boys in the front row."

"People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people."

"How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope imsosorry:("

"Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad"

"What do married people do for fun? Get divorced."

"The inventor of throat lozenges has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral."

"All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you."

"A nurse reached into her pocket looking for her pen and found a rectal thermometer instead. She turned to her colleague and said ""some asshole has got my pen""."