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Joke of the Day

"There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry."

"Women are like tornadoes They're cool to look at in pictures but when you see one in person its ""holy shit what do I do?!"""

"I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow."

"God grades on the cross, not the curve."

"If my dog barks at you we can't be friends, also, I hate you too."

"Why wrap a hampster in scotch tape... so it doesn't pop when you fuck it!"

"Trump is the next president of the United States. Thanks Obama."

"Dark jokes are like food... Only some people get it."

"Taking my 4 year old to see Straight Outta Compton. I can't remember ever being this excited for a movie that's rated G."

"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."